A Beautiful, Forbidden Film: The First Baptism

Does art make you open, sad, awestruck, filled with love, close to tears?

Maybe; Sometimes.

Does all the art in the world come close to this?

I wonder, silently, what it is that makes it hurt, (to watch this) like it used to hurt when you knew your mother was leaving on the first day of school.

What hurts is all the feelings you are not allowed to have. Or maybe you remember. Or maybe you know it was meant to be like this when you came here but it wasn’t. Everybody was afraid. Until you got that way too.

About Celia Farber

Celia Farber is a journalist, author, and editor based in New York City, who grew up in Sweden and New York City. Farber has written on a variety of subjects for Harper's, Rolling Stone, Esquire, The New York Observer, and many more. In 2008, Celia Farber won the Semmelweis International Society’s Clean Hands Award For Investigative Journalism, and is the author of "Serious Adverse Events: An Uncensored History of AIDS." (MHP/Random House, 2006.)

She has a son, Jeremy, now 21.


  1. karlonwheels says:

    Beautiful piece about a beautiful piece. That film just opens us up to something no amount of self protection can shield.

    I have no answer, but wonder too. Is there anywhere safe to re-access that level of being?

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