Why Don’t I Hate Trump?

“The surest, and often the only, way by which a crowd can preserve itself lies in the existence of a second crowd to which it is related. Whether the two crowds confront each other as rivals in a game, or as a serious threat to each other, the sight, or simply the powerful image of the second crowd, prevents the disintegration of the first.”

Crowds and Power, Elias Canetti

 

I just got off the phone with somebody I have known most of my life, who I love and admire, who actually, unlike the rest of us, knows Mr. Trump and has had fairly close dealings with him.

Because I am compulsively honest*–not in a Girl Scout sense but in a keeping-things-unresolved-makes-me-feel-grimy sense–I wanted to jump right on here and share it. Not the details–just the fact that my heart is registering something uncomfortable. I am taking stock, checking myself for denial.

This person said (not en original thought but nevertheless) that Mr. Trump is a megalomaniac. That was one thing. What bothered me more were some things he said about how he treated women, in this person’s presence. (And the speaker is not known for his lack of enthusiasm for the opposite sex.) Insensitivity, grandstanding, social climbing, boorishness, usury, only caring about himself. Being disrespectful to his wife. Boasting about sexual conquests.  Those kinds of things.

The thing about this person is we respect each other deeply and have worked together in intellectual warfare trenches that forged a trust that is impossible to describe.

So I listened. Then I listened some more. I picked up my bruised self and sat it into a chair. What am I missing?

(These days I’m frankly thrilled if somebody at least is not a pedophile.)

I have always tried, since this hell-storm began, to maintain a middle position: That I oppose Trump hatred, that it is destructive and irrational and downright terrifying. I have not loved a President since Jimmy Carter, who I was spiritually in love with, as a child. I was Jimmy Carter for Halloween when I was 8.

But my confession is this: I resist hating Trump, because I hate what Trump hatred has done to us all. And there’s something else. It reminds me of my childhood, which was not at all a happy place.

In childhood, I was forced to hate a man. I was given no peace until my squeaky little hatred came out sounding convincing. He was bad, bad, bad. He had no redemptive qualities. In fact, he was trying to kill me! If I didn’t see how bad he was, I was bad. And I was punished, by the removal of love, safety, and self-regard.

That man was my father.

And my father, you see, was not bad. He was, and is, a very loving person, who was unable to play the role of either husband or father in such a way that we could avoid the cancer of hate overtaking our small family. I understand as well–trust me I do–my poor mother. And my love for her was paramount and visceral. I learned to say and do anything at all, to stop her from being angry.

And my most dreadful secret was that I loved my father

This was unacceptable, and I was a treacherous sinner.

And now I can’t even keep typing because my eyes are filled with tears. I am thoroughly emotionally exhausted by all of this warfare. Aren’t you? I have no idea which way to turn. I am so tired of being flogged, I’m almost ready to say anything, write anything, to make it stop. [No, I do not think Donald Trump is my father, but I did find it hilarious, and rich, when conservative, gay, Jewish, Greek, British enfant-terrible Milo Yiannopoulos coined him “Daddy.”]

I can hate alright. I hate systems: I hate communism, fascism, globalism, political correctness. I hate everything that dehumanizes us and weaponizes our interactions, poisons our language, mocks our hopes.

And yes, I “hate” institutionalized Trump hatred. The self-entitled, reflexive violence of it.

Last night I was verbally assaulted on the street outside my father’s apartment, by a Hillary supporter I used to know. In fact, knew since birth. Upon seeing me emerge from a taxi carrying a chicken I had baked for my father, she screamed at the top of her lungs: “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!”

I didn’t drop the chicken. I kept my bearings. I screamed right back at her, and on shaking legs, went into the building. Because I am still trying to show my love for my father, who I was never allowed to love as a child–and this is a very primordial need.

There it is again: Shame.

There it is again.

It follows me. It follows us all. Shame for being insufficiently on board with hatred, in the name of “liberalism” this time. Political correctness. I’m not even allowed to hate the surveillance and entrapment that permits us all to know what he said on that bus 12 years ago.

We live in a time of acid hatred, as the primary medium of thinking ourselves “good.”

Last night I got a poignant email from a friend who is one of the most intelligent, ethical, brilliant people I know. He’s a composer. He’s not on the left, no. Neither am I. We share secrets and unburden our souls, sometimes. He wrote this:

“There are a bunch of really, really smart people out there who voted for Trump—in the belief they were cutting the 100% odds we would go down the tubes (with Hillary) in half. Unfortunately, the unalloyed joy of watching the HRC pods (as you call them) weeping on television is offset in real life by the daily reality of presumption that you are one of them! Complaining about Trump seems to be the only way people can communicate with one another anymore, and it makes perfect sense because so much of social transaction is foreplay—before the main event of bitter complaining and protestations of victimhood—anyway. Now everybody has an excuse to complain 24/7/52/365.

When people start in on Trump, I just look at them and say “I’ve come to a different conclusion than you” and enjoy the astonishment. ”

I was particularly struck by the simple line: “Complaining about Trump seems to be the only way people can communicate with one another anymore.”

And I still stand by what I posted here some months ago, as my formal position:

“I do not accept Donald Trump as my anti-Christ.”

And my other point, which I have written about many times: “My issue, my war–is with the deep state and its media. On that, Trump is a co-beliggerent.”

On this, with yesterday’s Pearl Harbor sized event: Wikileaks publishing “Vault 7,”–the entire hacking capacity of the CIA, I have been vindicated.  So have all if us who dared say we believed there was such a thing as a “deep state,” which causes elite types to scoff.

So ok.

I will “admit” that Donald Trump may be a megalomaniac, a “pig,” and a bad person. If you will admit that yes, there was a “deep state,” only deeper than we dreamed, and it’s spying on you and me right this very moment. Through computer, TV, phone–the works. It’s disgusting. I actually feel nauseous after yesterday’s revelations from Wikileaks, only 1% of which have been published thus far.

Kind of the way you may feel nauseous when Trump Tweets, when Trump blows his horn, when he does all the things he does.

I hope we can agree it is a good thing there are–allegedly–upward of half a million new jobs already, and the stock market is at an all time high. 1500 child traffickers and/or pedophiles have been arrested.

Yes yes, I know–pedophilia is paranoia, and the soaring stock market only means it is about to crash.

Thanks.

What is it like to be an Oracle, I wonder?

When do we begin to recognize that to deprive people of hope, and to socially and economically induce them to hate another–this is abuse.

So what do I stand for, as one leftist friend demanded to know on FB?

I went to the Trump support rally this weekend (calm down) to watch, listen, take pictures, shoot video, and understand. People were alive and passionate, all races, all social classes, ages. Chinese Americans for Trump wore orange T-shirts, and were the most vocal. They had megaphones. They wanted us to know where they had been, what they had come out of: China. This is the thing about America–it is only loved by those who came here with nothing but their lives, fleeing a tyranny.

The Trump supporters weren’t fancy people, but they were open and talkative. You could go right up to them and ask what they were thinking and feeling. I interviewed the man who runs the concession stand in Trump Tower, where the crowd retreated from the cold when the gathering was over, in their red caps, beneath the cascading wall fountain in the lobby cafe. The man was from India, and had known Trump 10 years. He told me he always came in–before he was President–and bought Rolo chocolates. And he always insisted on paying. “You’re  a businessman,” he would say. He proudly showed me a letter Trump had written him, and signed.

I wanted to post some of the footage, here, which would be a way of saying: “Look at the American story. The American street.”

But you don’t care, if you hate Trump. You’re so weaponized and armored that you are rarely called out for another hatred: Ordinary people. Fellow Americans. You hate them too.

Why do I say that?

Because you make no effort to ask what it on their heart. You don’t care what they think, or why. That’s the number one manifestation of both disrespect, abuse, and narcissism–to abject everything that is not “myself.”

Well, at the very least, can journalists still talk to people? It used to be a well respected interview tradition called “man on the street.”

No more.

Now we just broadcast what we know, our propaganda. Our hate.

I can see, with one eye, that Trump may be a very troubled man, and with the other eye, that people who support him are good, sound, decent people with a dream.  And their own anger–very well earned.

They’re the new Jews, the new negroes, the new hated and hounded. You can spit on them and throw bricks through the window of their business and nobody will accuse you of being a hater, because your hate is popular and blessed by the media.

Here are two clips, two American voices: Gary from the Bronx and Gary from Staten Island. The former wanted to be allowed to say :”Merry Christmas.” The latter, until recently, was still a Trotskyite.

It was so cold, my iPhone froze every few minutes and shut down, so forgive the truncated clips. I went in to various art galleries–not a soul inside–to unfreeze my phone. There were sculptures in there of headless bodies in white plaster. I fled as soon as the phone was re-charged. I think people–what they say and how they say it–are works of art.

Journalism stopped being journalism when it stopped hearing them–and as we all know, that is why Trump, like it or not–is President. Not yours, necessarily.

Theirs.

 

 

*except when I lie.

Comments

  1. Jeff Faria says:

    Celia:

    This is outstanding.

  2. Celia Farber says:

    This comment was submitted by Bob Guccione Jr.

    ***

    This is utterly brilliant! A really wonderful piece and argument.

    But I don’t agree with you.

    And you, ahem, gloss over his racism, fraud, disregard for others, especially women, who he hates generally and demeans specifically, bribing State Attorney Generals not to join the prosecution of his sham University, not paying taxes, not paying his vendors, by the thousands, and ruining many of their lives, which I know you don’t think is inconsequential, nor do you honestly think it’s co-incidental, or justifiable, plus lying around the clock, every clock, or his completely amoral (at best) and (mostly) immoral intentions.

    This is utterly brilliant! A really wonderful piece and argument.

    But I don’t agree with you.

    And you, ahem, gloss over his racism, fraud, disregard for others, especially women, who he hates generally and demeans specifically, bribing State Attorney Generals not to join the prosecution of his sham University, not paying taxes, not paying his vendors, by the thousands, and ruining many of their lives, which I know you don’t think is inconsequential, nor do you honestly think it’s co-incidental, or justifiable, plus lying around the clock, every clock, or his completely amoral (at best) and (mostly) immoral intentions.

    You hate, deeply too. You hate Hilary Clinton (why people hate her so much I don’t understand, what did she ever do to people?) and you hate so much of what you perceive as the State, deep or otherwise. I think it’s a blinding hate.

    But you are so right about journalism, and the effect of all this hate. As I tell everyone, I despise Trump, but am not angry about him, not least because it’s not actually his fault he got elected. I think on his best day he is repugnant and slimy, and on the other 364 days he’s a pathological liar, an insatiable megalomaniac, which is what is unpredictably and unknowingly dangerous about him. But I have great faith in the checks and balances of our system to prevent him from doing real damage, and I think his own party regard him on a scale beginning at imbecile and spiraling, like an out of control Catherine’s Wheel firework, into the stratosphere of dangerous-to-one’s-political- career-to-be-closely- associated-with.

    • Stephen Ericson says:

      And you, ahem, gloss over his racism”

      Specifically what are you talking about?

      “You hate Hilary Clinton (why people hate her so much I don’t understand, what did she ever do to people?)”

      What did George W. Bush ever do to people? She was the SOS when Libya was overthrown. She calls the vote to invade Iraq the greatest mistake of her career, but she has zero qualms about everything that happened in Libya. How is one a great mistake, while the other having happened after the ‘great mistake’ some sort of sound leadership?

      I don’t ‘hate’ Hillary. I just think her politics are utter and complete nonsense, because they are.

      Trump was and is the better choice because his politics make sense and the minutia that everyone has their panties in a wad about are at the end of the day about equal.

      • Brother Strawberry says:

        “What did George W. Bush ever do to people? ”
        That is hysterical yet sadly not even funny. Where to begin?
        Is this son of an eric a real person or just a well crafted parody? [Comment flagged by editor CF as insult that does not support argument but letting it stand for now.]

        • Celia Farber says:

          About your grievance: I take the position that in order to rape a person you must be in their physical presence, hence if two people have never met, one can not be said to have raped the other. I did receive a barrage of INTELLECTUAL attempts–by you– to deprive me of my sovereign mind, and change my innate views to conform to YOURS. One other former Truth Barrier reader harassed me similarly, falling down bleeding like an arrowed deer when he learned I am not a socialist. He’d lived on a kibbutz..or whatever. When men demand that women conform to their ideological positions in order to maintain Angel Status, it is a manifestation of misogyny. You can’t claim that I meant to call you “a rapist” in any literal sense since we have never met. I can’t accuse you of rape if I never met you, nor can you be wounded by that accusation SINCE you have never met me, and rape is impossible. The communication referred to how I felt constantly being assailed by your increasingly angry demands that I change my positions to conform to yours. It was a deprivation of my free space, and an effort to denigrate me. You are not at liberty to publish private correspondences on this website. They will always be deleted. And Stephen Ericson is not my proxy, so please stop attacking him. I had all respect for you before you started beating me up and cornering me. I finally defended myself. If you were self-aware you would say: “I must have done SOMETHING” to anger somebody who is usually fairly reasonable, which, no matter what you claim, I am.

          I have ALSO written to apologize and say I regret that things got so gangrenous and ugly. YOU started it bro. And you have never apologized to me. That’s called being a bully-victim.

        • Stephen Ericson says:

          I know that Celia doesn’t want me to feed the trolls, but I can’t help myself.

          Have you seen the pictures of Libya and Syria etc. before and after Hillary being SOS? Yes, it’s very sad but not at all funny. I’m not sure how that makes me a parody exactly.

          http://www.boredpanda.com/before-after-war-photos-aleppo-syria/

  3. Anonymous says:

    ”Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.” MLK Jr

  4. Stephen Ericson says:

    “I was Jimmy Carter for Halloween when I was 8.”

    Lol. I still have a crush on Rosalynn, still my favorite first lady despite the fact that I lean conservative.

    “I do not accept Donald Trump as my anti-Christ.”

    That was all you ever needed to say. This person you know, bringing up how he treated some women, was disrespectful to his wife etc. …

    What does that have to do with anything? At all? I’m going to bring up a bad example in a way, but I think it’s apt.

    Led Zeppelin. They had a manager, Peter Grant. Not a nice man. He’d storm into offices turning over waste paper baskets looking for ticket receipts, and adding up the numbers. If the numbers didn’t add up he’d grab the promoter by the throat demanding the cash. He made Led Zep very very rich. He revolutionized the music industry in the process. Not a nice man. He had a job to do though, and he did it. He didn’t apologize for doing it either.

    I hired, err…voted for Trump to get me work. That’s it. I don’t like him. Well, that’s no longer true. I once didn’t like him. Now that he’s president, I have an affection for him. I understand when you say that sometimes he makes you nauseous , I used to feel that way. No longer. He’s got this raw tenacity that I have to admire. People spend their lives making excuses for why they didn’t do this or that. We live in a culture of victimization. I can’t express how much I feel that our culture, the world even, absolutely required Trump to win. I don’t want everyone in the world to be that much more like him, but for the love of god dare to WIN.

    BTW, it’s funny how the liberals will say that the stock market soaring means it will just crash. They held up the stock market for 8 years and then turned on a dime once their guy was out on his ass. I never begrudged Obama for the stock market doing well. I felt it was despite him on a level, but I have a 401k so…that’s how you bring people together, through shared interest.

    All of this Trump hate WILL dissipate. As the economy improves, and then continues to improve. All you’re seeing with all of this hate is the Globalists radiating fear. Try to keep that in mind.

    We hired him to be our manager because he said he’d bring us work. That’ it. When did politics become this cult of personality bullshit, here in the USA? When I was a younger man, nobody LOVED L.B.J. In fact he wasn’t all that popular at all. Recently the very popular and beloved Brian Cranston played him on Broadway. Why would he even ask us to take another look at L.B.J.? It’s because we’re supposed to believe the democrats can’t be basically corrupt.

    We hired a Peter Grant, for our own self interests. That’s it.

    I’m fine with that.

  5. Jeff Finley says:

    Thanks for being so candid and sharing your thoughts. Inspiring!

  6. Caroline says:

    Your scope is packed with honesty and music.. the rights to express until a definite move relays which way the wind finally blows if it ever will take a clear path. The writing reflects this median of exploration. This time uncertain of leadership and vision made in more practices over theory and promise. I have seen palpable truth in regards to jobs and pedophilia takeover…finally! Thank You Farber. As always for your risk taking in scope. The haters need their path to get them where they want to go. Another bigger black swan awaits.

  7. M. G. says:

    Its your life.

  8. Celia, you are SO RIGHT! If we “hate on” Trump then we become exactly what we say we oppose. Human beings are a collection of contradictions. Let’s face it — HRC would never in a million years have pulled us out of the TPP, nor would she have tolerated a vaccine critic anywhere in her administration.

    Over the weekend I did a shamanic journey with someone I used to work with many years ago. Her late mother was a Holocaust survivor. My friend told me a story about how a German soldier was shot in the torso during World War II, and the moment he died two Allied soldiers stuck here hands through the hole in the corpse and shook hands. I was horrified. I said this was desecration of a human corpse. My friend looked at me and exclaimed, “But he was a Nazi!” I said he was a human being. She said should could not perceive him as human because of the horrible things the Nazis did to her mother.

    I realized I simply could not tell her that if she views Nazis as less than human, than how is she any different from Nazis who view Jews as less than human? I told her she needs to forgive and she said she cannot. So she is trapped in her victimhood and her lack of compassion. And she could not understand how I, as a Jew with Holocaust survivors in her own family, could advocate compassion for Nazis as human beings. The truth is that the vast majority of German soldiers in WWII had no desire to fight and would rather have stayed home with their families — just like the vast majority of US American, Japanese, French, British, Italian and Russian soldiers. But my friend was not interested in hearing the truth — she was too invested in her victimhood and her rage. That does not hurt anyone but her.

    Tolerance, compassion and understanding is the path to everyone’s freedom, not demonization of the “other.” I have plenty of friends who are Trump supporters and not one of them is a racist or a hater. They have a different view of reality than I do. They are very frightened people who are seeking a “big daddy” protector. That is why people support authoritarian personalities — because of the irrational belief that the authoritarian will protect them.

    On another note, I have met your father. I first spoke with him years ago when your sister Didi first moved back to New York. (I had met her at a wedding in Atlanta.) Didi was living with your dad, and I would call his apartment to speak with Didi and had a few conversations with your dad. Then I met him at a party. Barry is absolutely hilarious! He definitely has the kibbutzing gene. And while I don’t understand his politics, I know that he is a genuinely warm and caring human being and you are blessed to have a father like that.

    I live in Brooklyn and have a shamanic healing practice. It would be my pleasure to give you a shamanic journey as a gift!

    • Nina Danko says:

      can shamanic journeys be done long distance? I always wanted to do it but I don’t know of anyone in my area.

  9. Sharon Warner says:

    I can relate to your feelings and your beautifully written article. It clarifies why I do not hate Trump either. I grew up programmed to hate my Father and he lived with us. Talk about divided love. The hate was subtle; always just under the surface and my guilt was deep for loving both of my parents.

    To this day even though he is dead, to say a positive word gets an immediate negative response. Life is full of choices and I am a grown woman. Looking back I think that perhaps this is why I am in my fourth and last marriage with a man who has my Father’s eyes.

  10. I’ve always admired your brilliant writing style and your uncanny ability to see a given thing or point of view “outside of the box”.
    Even before anyone realized there was a box to even be in.
    Donald J. Trump is the most polarizing American political figure since Muhammad Ali. (in my opinion) and of course (somehow) he’s been remarkably elected to be the President of these United States of America.
    In rising to the Executive Office DJT has been nothing short of a firestorm of controversies from day 1 and I have no doubt that will continue until his last day as President. (whenever that may be)
    Soon and I mean very soon…
    the bile of all that DJT rode in on (leaks(Wiki or others), sexual bias, racial tensions and partisan politics drunken with the thirst for power and control of this Country. Is going to be the daily diet of American (and Global) politics we’ll be feasting on and forced to eat for a very long time.
    In G-D We Trust?
    I sure hope so.

  11. I.M. Pistoff says:

    It’s all a part of the American Disease; us vs them. America has long needed an enema; for better or worse, Trump is the stool softener.

  12. Jasper Been says:

    A very profound post Celia, thanks. I do not know to process how deranged people on (what passes for) the Left have become regarding Trump. From what I gather they would strongly prefer to have a George W Bush clone in as president, or even Dick Cheney. So much for principles.

    I have pretty turned off of politics since Trump’s inauguration. By the way, one my favorite lines from his speech that day was “We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone.” Trump is not your typical Republican, and thank God for that. I have been waiting my whole life to hear a US president say something like that. Yet, I heard no comments of approval from the Left on this.

    I am extremely anti-war and non-interventionist, and Trump is not really my ideal candidate on that or many other issues, but I preferred him enough to vote for him over HRC. In fact I was surprised to find myself voting for any candidate in 2016. I am an independent who detests the Paul Ryan wing of the Republicans (alas he is my congressman) and also many segments of the Democratic party.

    I hope Trump makes the right choices and succeeds. I am pretty liberal on the social issues (I am gay and atheist) so I will certainly have my disagreements. Nevertheless, it is time for nationalism. I favor an immigration moratorium among other things. 50 years of globalization has devastated this country, what Steve Sailer has called the bipartisan consensus of “invite the world, invade the world, in debt to the world.” That being said, I do not know how much DJT can accomplish in 4 to 8 years.

  13. Gary Ogden says:

    In my opinion it is the media which has poisoned the well. They are essentially owned by the CIA.

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