journalist, author, and editor based in New York City, who grew up in Sweden and New York.
Author: Celia Farber
Author of "Serious Adverse Events: An Uncensored History of AIDS."
Have written for: Harper's, Esquire, Rolling Stone, New York Observer, SPIN, Lapham's Quarterly, and more.
Recipient of "Clean Hands Award For Investigative Journalism," Semmelweis Society International, 2008
A small white plastic bag is stuck on a tree branch outside my window, near the projects. Every day I think it will have blown away but it never has. Will somebody climb up there and remove it eventually?
The trouble is: Everything turns out to be false, including the way we promised we felt about each other.
I keep thinking I need to tell the world that the media is made up of ghastly megalomaniacs but nobody would believe me.
6:19 am. Lying awake I began hallucinating something about wolves and tried to remember, so I could describe it. My mind has spun out of orbit from trying to hold out hope.
Media is a disease and it can’t be cured. If men go in there as men, they become monsters. If women go in there, they live to regret it.
Unless you are Rachel Maddow–don’t go in there and try to turn the big wheel of rage and conviction. Not as a woman.
Knowing I can’t know anything, or generate knowledge, I listen to the Oracles, the men in media, explaining to the other men in media, what is going on now in terms of catastrophe and perpetual emergency.
Who mints the Oracles? Who designates their power over our perspectives? There are some women on TV but they are without sleeves, always. I wonder if they aren’t cold, and why they have to show their arms. It keeps bothering me. Like it’s some kind of skin-tax, before they are allowed to talk.
“This reaction of my closest friends and co-workers to the situation here is exactly the same that has harassed the human race for as much as we can say, 8.000 or 10.000 years, since patriarchy has ruled its destinies and since natural love was extinguished in the newborn infants. I shall not go into that. It is all written up in my publications. Whoever knows these publications also knows what that means. The discovery of the life energy would have been accomplished long ago, had this “I don’t want it, I fear it, I loathe it, I’ll kill it, I’ll flatten it out, I won’t let it exist- live, or exist”. If that had not been in their structures, not in their desires, not in their positive conscious wishes. They’re all descent and good people. No, it is in the structure. It is somehow in their tissues, in their blood. They cannot tolerate anything that has to do with orgone energy, or life energy, or what they call God, or what is their deepest longing for love fulfillment. They cannot tolerate it and they fear it. They fear it by way of structure. Their tissues, their blood cannot stretch out, cannot take it, evades it – avoids it and loathes it.
I do not say all this to depreciate their efforts, their honor, their loves, their lives. I say it because it is true, because it turns up in every single move, in every single word, in every single opinion, in every single paper, in every single thing they did to a- to whatever ever had to do with discovery – the discovery of genitality, life, love, such people as Laurence/Lawrence, or such philosophies as Giordano Bruno’s or such great lives as Jesus Christ, and so forth, and so forth. It is a sad, lonely chapter of the human race.
I don’t feel that I am obligated to solve this riddle, to do anything about it. I happened to discover the life energy. I happened to induce the ORANUR experiment. I know what it means for the future development of medicine and biology, philosophy and natural science and in this awareness I am completely alone.
There is no soul far and wide to talk to, to give one’s feelings – to let one’s feelings go freely, to speak like – as friends speak to each other.
This is all.”
*Special Thanks to Tom DiFerdinando for discussions and knowledge.